I want to cut you –
and not just little nicks
but full-body slashes
that lessen you by chunks
and make you cover up year-round
to hide from all the questions
about the pieces of you I took.
I want to break you –
and lay into you with such force
that my fists are bleeding too
and I can’t raise my arms anymore.
I want you to feel my anger
every time you move
from that day forward.
I want to dirty you –
so that people look at you
with shameful sideways glances
like I see them look at me.
I want to make you so fucking filthy
that I’m goddamn pristine
I hate you.
I hate your laughter and your tears,
your humility and your pride,
and your goodness and your vice.
I want to hate you with all my heart
because in those moments I succeed
in forgetting how much I hate myself.
Ouch. Yes, perhaps that is best indeed!