Starved for affection

Today, I’m going to give a detailed talk, which will touch upon a topic I rarely address here: sex.

Specifically, the concept of edging, which Urban Dictionary defines as:

Coming nearly close to climax or ejaculation, then purposefully stopping sexual stimulation in order to delay the same, so that the ultimate climax will be more intense.

Now, I know what you’re thinking…

“Oh God!
What is wrong with you?!
Why do you know about that?!
Why are you telling me this?!
La-la-la-la-la-la-la~”

I’ll respond to those in order.

“Oh God!”
Yes my child.

“What is wrong with you?!”
Probably a lot.

“Why do you know about that?!”
I am widely traveled, and broadly studied.

“Why are you telling me this?!”
I’m glad you asked! *cracks knuckles*

Edging is a technique I’ve heard of people using to not only intensify the sexual experience, but also as a means of permanently increasing sexual arousal.  The principal behind it is that by extending your time in that moment before climax, and stopping before you do climax, your body gets acclimated to being in that state – all the time.  And while that could be fun recreationally, excessive and addictive use of this pretty much ends like all excessive and addictive use does.

So again, why bring this up?

Because the concept is one of unfulfillment:  you almost get what you want, but then stop just before you achieve it.  As a result, you begin to crave those feelings and sensations with increasing intensity.

I have a hard time connecting with people – personally, socially, and romantically.  I make attempts, but I’m often insecure.  And that contributes to some very serious issues in my relationships with others.  I give too much, and when unnecessary.  I take things personally.  I get clingy.  These personality traits and actions have eventually destroyed some of my relationships.  And afterwards, I get back up and try again, more desperate than before.  Sound familiar, hm?

They used to say, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” but also remember the phrase, “All things in moderation.”  It’s OK to want people to like you.  It’s OK to want to be loved.  But eventually, the attempts to connect and the unfulfillment of those wants and desires start to become obsessive.  And the more desperate you become for those affections, they less you are able to nurture them in a healthy manner.

So what should you do?

Believe in yourself.  Be confident.  Stop trying to use other people to fill the holes within yourself.  The only thing that can replace the missing pieces of you is more you.  Other people will not suffice.  So nurture yourself into the kind of person you want to be.  It’s OK to focus on yourself and the things you want in and for your life.

Don’t give to the point of self-destruction.  Take care of yourself when you’re having bad days.  Find positive ways to talk to others openly about issues in your relationship with them.  Respect others, and respect yourself.

Cultivate the best in yourself, and others are sure to notice.

And finally, ” La-la-la-la~”
That’s silly. You’re silly. I like you 😉