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The Sun and The Moon

Do you know of Tarot?  These cards are often used for fortunetelling, and can be divided into two sets:  the Minor Arcana, which became our modern playing cards, and the Major Arcana, which are often used to depict Tarot in films and stories.  And while all the cards are rich with meaning, today I would like to talk about two in particular:  The Sun and The Moon from the Major Arcana.

The Sun is a masculine card.  It represents day, enlightenment, and intellectual advancement.  All the things we associate with academy and philosophy are attributed to The Sun.

The Moon is a feminine card.  Some descriptions of Tarot depict The Moon as a negative card: representing wildness and unrestrained instincts.  However, I see it as intuitive – representing a deeper understanding of the word.

While The Sun burns, The Moon is cool.  While The Sun radiates, The Moon is still.  While The Sun speaks, The Moon is silent.

Some pains are born of sound and fury.  They cannot be healed with more of the same.  You cannot treat a burn with more fire.

Some nights, there are two moons in the sky: one without, and one within.  And on those nights, there exists a pain that cannot be cured by words or deeds.  It must be borne in silence – but not necessarily in solitude.

So friends, will you join me?  Will you listen, and help to bear this pain?  Will you stay awhile in my company?

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On finding yourself

The journey to find ourself is a persistent cultural trope.  And with good reason – with each generation that succeeds, there is another generation who follows them and needs to take their own journeys.  And while the goal is the same, people pursue it through many different means.

There are people who look for themselves by saying, “Yes.”  They say “yes” to everything that interests them, and pursue themselves through new experiences.  By learning what they like, and what they don’t like, they attempt to find themselves.

There are those who look for themselves by saying, “No.”  Some give so much of themselves that they lose their sense of self in the pursuit of helping others.  By saying “no,” they free themselves from the perception that they must help others, which gives them time for their own journeys of self-discovery.

There are those who look for themselves in solitude – with the quiet and the isolation allowing them to process what they think and feel.

There are those who look for themselves in others – and revel in immersing themselves in cultures and communities.

And there are those whose journeys are complex and multifaceted.  Some may immerse themselves in saying “Yes,” but make time for solitary moments of self-reflection.  Others may revel in their interactions with others, but maintain healthy boundaries by learning when to tell people, “No.”  Some may be immersive and explorative, while others may need boundaries and solitude.

There are many different kinds of people in the world, and many different paths we could take in search of finding who we are.  I don’t believe there is any “one true path” that we all must take, but many open for us to explore.  And while there are roads that lead to ruin, I believe that there are fewer of those than our fears and insecurities lead us to believe.

They say, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step,” and the journey in search of our self is perhaps as complex as any we’ll make in our lives.  But like the quote says, these journeys are long, but can be completed one step at a time.

So step.  Step with faith.  Step with confidence.  But step forward – your journey awaits.

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Life is meetings and partings

Life is meetings and partings.

It’s full of people we meet, and how they move us. Some people inspire us, some encourage us, and some love us. But others may scare us, doubt us, or break our hearts.

And these interactions are both good and evil, but beyond them. Though we may curse the one who broke our heart, that pain will help us to grow. Sometimes those who encourage us prevent us from fully letting go and moving on.

I’ve met a lot of people in my life.  Some became friends, some became enemies, and most faded into dull, gray obscurity.  But all who remained left some kind of mark on me, for better or worse, and helped me become the person I am today.

And that interaction reminds me of a poem I like by poet Shane Koyczan, titled “Tarot”, which is about The Fool, and ends with the line:

The Fool steps blindly, reminding us we cannot simply bear what is necessary, we must love it.

That feeling is sometimes bittersweet – loving the hard and heavy things in life like letting go, like saying goodbye, like getting our heart broken.

This weekend I spoke with three women I knew, and know.

The first was someone I pursued romantically for a summer – without success.  I still think highly of her, despite the rejection, and wish her all the happiness and joy life has to offer.  I expected to see her this weekend, and was happy to be able to spend a little time with her, though it was bittersweet.  But even those small pains are lovely, in their own way.

The second was someone I worked with previously, and also romantically approached.  I was unsuccessful with her as well.  When we both left that company, I never expected to see her again – yet I did this weekend, and I was happy to see her.  She seemed happier too, compared to how I remember her.  I’m glad.

The third was also someone I’d previously worked with, but not someone I’d ever asked out or pursued.  Ironically, I met her on the dating app Tinder.  We’ve been talking since then, and we’re planning on going out for coffee or something in a week.  Maybe it will turn into something, maybe not.  It’s too soon to tell, but I look forward to finding out.

Because life is meetings and partings, and the World spins on to reveal the next minute, the next hour, the next day.  And sometimes the best that we can do is greet the future with open arms and a smile, whatever it may hold.

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It’s hard to choose love over hate

This past Labor Day weekend, I was visiting a friend and she wanted to put on John Oliver’s show, Last Week Tonight.  We watched two episodes from…approximately March of this year.  One had March Madness as its topic of the night.  The other had an exposé on fees attached to parking and traffic tickets.

I watched these shows, and while the jokes were spot-on, and the humor flowethed o’er, I wasn’t really laughing.

I got angry instead.

The March Madness story discussed how a billion-dollar industry used athletes to generate that revenue, and paid those athletes nothing.  More than that – the industry penalized players who attempted to benefit financially from their collegiate sports career, all while some coaches racked in salaries in the multi-million dollar ranges.  And the underlying racial narrative of rich white men making money off of the physical activities of young African American men carries connotations that I do not have the tact to describe in any fairer light than this:

I think it’s fucking disgusting.

The exposé on parking and traffic fees showed how, if payments were not made on time, the fees on those tickets could balloon up to levels magnitudinally larger than the original ticket.  It showcased how some police departments were encouraged to give out as many tickets as they could manage, and how several municipalities drew a large portion of their budgets from the fees collected.  The predation of the poor and disenfranchised by those who should have cared for them is unforgivable – and it brings me to the topic of today’s blog post.

It’s hard to choose love over hate.

It’s hard to watch the evening news some nights and feel anything but rage.  It’s hard to fight the slow nurture of hatred at seeing what people do to one another.  It’s so very easy to hate the perpetrator – to let your outrage build like pressure in a kettle until you’re whistling at the seams.

Love, on the other hand, is much harder to cultivate.  Other feelings can easily be confused for love.  Love is not pity, not even for a victim.  Love is not keeping someone safe, not if it means building a cage around them.  Love is not something that exists in ignorance – we cannot turn away from all the horrible things in the world and say that we love it.

Hatred is grudges, and pain, and harshness.  So love, to counter that, must be forgiveness.  Love must be healing.  Love must be gentleness.  Hatred is the swiftness of a tempestuous storm.  Love is the long, slow waxing of the seasons.  Hatred is the seduction of instant gratification.  Love makes no promises – it speaks the simple honesty that any, and all, relationships take time and work to develop and maintain.

And so, it’s hard to choose love over hate.  It’s hard to let go of the moment and live for tomorrow.  It’s hard to set aside our anger and forgive.  It’s hard to let go of our prejudice and build.

But love is worth it, even if it is hard.

Destruction can only remove what exists, but creation can bring forth something that has never existed before.  Hatred can only destroy lives.  Love can save them, and create them.  But love must be nurtured, in arid soil during the bleakest of droughts.

However, the fruit of such endeavors is sweeter than that of hatred, and far more nourishing – for not only our souls, but also for the world.

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The root of all Evil

People can be quick to place blame, saying someone is bad because of something someone has said or done.  But what is bad, or evil?  Anyone can point to a list of actions and say one or another is evil – sometimes without much argument.  But what is Evil?  What is it that makes us choose these reprehensible actions?  What is its essence – its root – and why do we care?

In my opinion, I think the old adage is correct:  “Pride is the root of all evil.”  But why?

Because I think all evil comes from an idea – that we are special, so special in fact that the rules do not apply to us.  But why is that evil?  How does that create all the rest of what we collectively call, “Evil”?

The big examples are easy to describe.  Murder?  Whatever the motive, the murderer cares more for their motives than they do about the legality or morality of their own actions.  The same can be said for any kind of sexual crime.

But what of lessor evils?  Stealing?  There are certainly times when theft is the lessor of two evils (so to speak), but anyone who makes their living off of stealing is frequently seen as a villain who doesn’t care whom they hurt with their actions.  Lying?  The same – there are exceptions, but serial liars care more for their reasons than anything else.  Even white lies can be similarly criticized.

What about speeding?  Can we really justify driving over the speed limit, or are we just making excuses for reckless and selfish behavior?  I know we’re not saving much time – I worked out the math on how much time we save by speeding, and the results are sad.  (Short version:  it’s not worth it.)

Even bitterness and spiteful words – actions that are completely legal – still darken the world bit by bit.  And what are our justifications?  That it doesn’t matter?  That everyone does it?  It reminds me of lyrics from Radiohead’s song “Creep”:

Whatever makes you happy,
Whatever you want,
You’re so fucking special…

And that’s what Evil is, in my eyes.

Now you can be and feel special – that’s OK.  But when you start treating people like you matter more than them…  When you act like your ideas and ideologies matter more than the people who have to be sacrificed to support them…  That is Evil.  It is microscopic and titanic, widespread and pervasive.  It’s…seductive.

Because it tells you that you’re special.  It tries to make you feel good about doing things that you should question.  And, unfortunately, sometimes it succeeds.

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Starved for affection

Today, I’m going to give a detailed talk, which will touch upon a topic I rarely address here: sex.

Specifically, the concept of edging, which Urban Dictionary defines as:

Coming nearly close to climax or ejaculation, then purposefully stopping sexual stimulation in order to delay the same, so that the ultimate climax will be more intense.

Now, I know what you’re thinking…

“Oh God!
What is wrong with you?!
Why do you know about that?!
Why are you telling me this?!
La-la-la-la-la-la-la~”

I’ll respond to those in order.

“Oh God!”
Yes my child.

“What is wrong with you?!”
Probably a lot.

“Why do you know about that?!”
I am widely traveled, and broadly studied.

“Why are you telling me this?!”
I’m glad you asked! *cracks knuckles*

Edging is a technique I’ve heard of people using to not only intensify the sexual experience, but also as a means of permanently increasing sexual arousal.  The principal behind it is that by extending your time in that moment before climax, and stopping before you do climax, your body gets acclimated to being in that state – all the time.  And while that could be fun recreationally, excessive and addictive use of this pretty much ends like all excessive and addictive use does.

So again, why bring this up?

Because the concept is one of unfulfillment:  you almost get what you want, but then stop just before you achieve it.  As a result, you begin to crave those feelings and sensations with increasing intensity.

I have a hard time connecting with people – personally, socially, and romantically.  I make attempts, but I’m often insecure.  And that contributes to some very serious issues in my relationships with others.  I give too much, and when unnecessary.  I take things personally.  I get clingy.  These personality traits and actions have eventually destroyed some of my relationships.  And afterwards, I get back up and try again, more desperate than before.  Sound familiar, hm?

They used to say, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” but also remember the phrase, “All things in moderation.”  It’s OK to want people to like you.  It’s OK to want to be loved.  But eventually, the attempts to connect and the unfulfillment of those wants and desires start to become obsessive.  And the more desperate you become for those affections, they less you are able to nurture them in a healthy manner.

So what should you do?

Believe in yourself.  Be confident.  Stop trying to use other people to fill the holes within yourself.  The only thing that can replace the missing pieces of you is more you.  Other people will not suffice.  So nurture yourself into the kind of person you want to be.  It’s OK to focus on yourself and the things you want in and for your life.

Don’t give to the point of self-destruction.  Take care of yourself when you’re having bad days.  Find positive ways to talk to others openly about issues in your relationship with them.  Respect others, and respect yourself.

Cultivate the best in yourself, and others are sure to notice.

And finally, ” La-la-la-la~”
That’s silly. You’re silly. I like you 😉

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An analysis: Rokka -Braves of the Six Flowers-

A long time ago, I used to do reviews for movies and shows on another website.  I haven’t done one in a long time, but lately I’ve been watching a show that I’m really enjoying and I wanted to talk about it.  So I’m taking today’s blog post to discuss the Japanese animated show “Rokka -Braves of the Six Flowers-“.

Now, because of the nature of this show, it will be impossible to discuss it in a spoiler-free manner.  So, I am warning you now:  if you do not want this show spoiled for you up through episode 7 (the most recent at the time of this writing), do not read any further.

Again, this is your warning.  If you don’t want spoilers, please do not continue reading, and skip this post instead.

Continue reading → An analysis: Rokka -Braves of the Six Flowers-

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On compromise

When people talk about compromise, I get the impression that they mean splitting things down the middle, 50/50. But I’ve been giving the idea some thought lately, and I’ve come up with my own interpretation.

I was speaking with a friend on the topic recently, and told her that I don’t like the idea of compromise meaning splitting everything 50/50.  Doesn’t that kind of thinking create a system that’s open to abuse?  Couldn’t someone take a situation and say, “I’ve given you five things today and you’ve only given me four – so you have to give me what I want now.”?  Alternatively, what if we have a bad day and need more than 50%?  This model doesn’t account for that at all.

Instead, I told her that, to me, compromise means accepting that sometimes you have to split things 70/30, or 30/70.  Some days you need to give someone your 10 out of 10, and those days you don’t get anything.  Other days, you’ll need the 10 out of 10 yourself.

I told her that I think compromise is being graceful about accepting the ebb and flow of a relationship.  Compromise is acknowledging that the word has nothing to do with fair, and everything to do with respect.  Compromise means caring for someone else, but it also means caring for yourself.

If someone only takes but never gives, that is not compromise.  Those we love sometimes have periods in their lives when they need us to give more, and that’s OK.  But make sure they reciprocate.  Do not feed someone who is always hungry for more.  Do not share with someone who never shares.

Instead, seek out those who give joyfully, and respectfully request.  Offer your best, and be mindful of what others offer you.  Don’t be too proud to ask for help, and do not destroy yourself in the process of giving aid.

That is what compromise means to me.

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The deal with the Devil

I once had a conversation about why an all-powerful, benevolent God would allow for the existence of the Devil – and it was interesting, so I thought I’d share.  Though that was years ago, the essence of that conversation remains with me.  So this post is not a properly quoted and cited paper, but a story blurred by years, my own imperfect memory, and my penchant for theatrics.  I beg your indulgence.

“Why does the Devil exist if God is so benevolent and powerful?

I saw a movie once called ‘Constantine’ that starred Keanu Reeves.  And I wouldn’t call it a great movie, but I enjoyed it.  But there’s a quote in that film that really got me thinking.

‘What if I told you that God and the Devil made a wager, a kind of standing bet for the souls of all mankind?’

Now, admittedly, this is a strange thing to find inspiring, but I’m not the type to ignore good advice – not even if it comes from an unusual source.  Because what if God and the Devil made a bet?  Why in the world would they do that?

As the story goes, the Devil fell from grace because he rebelled against God.  The story of why changes depending on your source, so I’ll decline to make any assertions there.  Ultimately, it does not matter.  The Devil fell, and opposed God.  And that is his nature.

But what of the nature of God?  If he is benevolent, why does he allow someone as wicked as the Devil to prey upon mankind?  This is even more confusing since God’s all-powerful nature should allow him to easily best the Devil.  Yet, he remains.

In the film, the characters assert or make the assumption that God and the Devil are engaged in a war, and that whomever gathers the most souls will win.  To that end, the Devil tempts people and God tries to save them.  Mankind is in the middle, both the victims of this war and the trophy.

But what if it is not that simple?

God is supposed to be benevolent – or all-good, to follow the ‘all-something’ descriptions of Him.  He is trying to save everyone.  That is why most people wonder why he does not simply smite the Devil and destroy him forever.  But to that line of thinking, I ask this question:

Whom is in greater need of saving than the Devil himself?

The Devil was once one of God’s most treasured angels.  But even though he fell, God’s own son tells the story of the prodigal son:  the story of a wayward son who returns home after selfish choices lead him to misfortune.  Yet that son is welcomed home with celebration, for his father is simply happy to see his son alive again.

Is the bet between God and the Devil not about who wins mankind, but an attempt by a father to bring his most wayward son back into the fold?

Because of that, it may seem like we are mere pawns in this game.  But I disagree.  We are not victims caught in the crossfire.  We are not the chips on the table.  We may be pieces on the board, but remember the pawn is far more powerful than it appears.  It can become any piece in time.  And so are we, in my opinion.

I think we are paladins, and we fight to save the world.  But the world is not merely buildings and roads.  It is not just trees and grass and flowers.  It is countries and cultures.  It is people.  And for every soul we save, we keep one more star in the sky from falling.

But is not the Morning Star the greatest star of them all?  But who mourns its fall?  Who would try to hang it back up in the sky, against all odds?  Who would forgive all grievances and welcome even the Devil back home?

A father would.  For the prodigal son – oh yes, a Father would.”

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On Faith and charged objects

Have you ever had something that means…just a little bit extra to you? Whether it’s a lucky shirt, a favorite song, or, hell, even a lucky pair of underwear, these objects seem to make things go our way. Maybe we do well on a date or an interview, but something always seems different when they’re around.

I call these objects “blessed objects”, or sometimes “charged objects”.

I call them “blessed” because their effect is to bless our lives. We feel stronger, more confident, better when they’re in use. And because of that, we seem luckier when they’re around. But I call them “charged” because this effect is not inherent – it’s something we make ourselves. Maybe we have a good day, and attribute the success of that day to something we’re wearing, a song that made us feel pumped up, or maybe a book we were reading. But whatever the object or the reason, we have a good day and associate the reason why to this object. So the next time we want to have a good day, we put the object into play again and believe it will bring us luck.

Maybe it does, and the object gains more of our faith. Maybe it doesn’t, and we look at the previous successes as flukes. Perhaps we just exhausted all the luck of that particular object, and need to find another.

But at the end of the day, we can find another, and that’s important. These objects are neither unique nor miraculous – they are something we can create on our own. It is our faith in them that gives them power. And knowing that, we can choose to create objects when we have need of them.  That’s the way magic works, the way rituals work, and the way faith works.

Faith is a great currency of the soul. While we may not be able to move the world like magicians in stories, we can do wonders with enough belief. If we have a hat, a shirt, a tie that we KNOW is special, we will feel more confident while wearing it. And as the saying goes, confidence is sexy. It’s attractive. People like confidence, and the confidence we create with this belief can carry us just as far as any spell from a storybook. It will open doors, charm managers and dates, and it will inspire.

I participated in many rituals in my life. I have made a candle on the summer solstice that was meant to strengthen and inspire me. I’ve said a few words and destroyed a cup and a photograph to help myself get over some people. I’ve woken up early on the weekend to eat bread and drink wine in the hopes that doing so will save my soul.

Whether or not they work is a matter of some debate. But each and every one of them meant something to me. I believed in them, and that faith gave them power.  And the knowledge that I was the one doing this gave ME power.

And taking back that power is the reason why I wrote this post. Because anyone can believe in a miracle, but the one who explains a miracle… Well, now I feel a bit like the guy who ruined a magic trick. But I’m also the guy who’s telling you that you can make your own magic, perform your own miracles.

So go out there and do something amazing. You are powerful beyond measure, and limited only in the depth of your faith.  To borrow someone else’s words, which have meant a lot to me:

“Believe in yourself. Not in the you who believes in me. Not the me who believes in you. Believe in the you who believes in yourself.” *

Have faith, and you will do wonders.

 

* From the animated show Gurren Lagann, spoken by the character Kamina in episode 8