Only one way out
and that way is guarded by
ninja assasins,
lions and tigers and bears
my, oh motherfucking my…


I’m a bad man, I confess,
when I’m a player out on the attack.
My life’s been one big, glorious mess.

The cherry of my eye was a girl named Jess.
She had the most amazing rack.
I’m a bad man, I confess.

And I broke the heart of dear, sweet Bess
when she caught me and her mother in the sack.
My life’s been one big, glorious mess.

Then there was Miss Little Black Dress
who gleefully took me to hell and back.
I’m a bad man, I confess.

And there was that brief time with Wes…
Which, I assure you all, amounted to jack.
My life’s been one big, glorious mess.

Now I spend my nights with Tess
who has quite a dexterous knack…
I’m a bad man, I confess.
My life’s been one big, glorious mess.

The pitter-patter of little feet in combat boots

Ten little soldier toes
are marching along.
All lined up in rows
singing a song.

The pinkies are the infantry
and vow to stay the course.
The rings toes are the cavalry
perched astride their horse.

The middle are brave musketeers
with rifles at their side.
The index are chevaliers
brandishing their pride.

The big toes are the king and queen
though which is which cannot be gleaned.

The ignoble chase

I brought you some fresh flowers
to try and make you smile
but you made me wait for hours
and they wilted meanwhile.

I took you out to supper
and we sat out on the deck.
You ordered the lobster
and stiffed me with the check.

I asked you to the theater
and paid the way for you
then waited by the greeter
because I couldn’t pay for two.

And watched you walk out hand-in-hand
at the side of another man.


Many a shifty shade
drifts about unseen
in spectral promenade
in the spaces in between.

Hiding in the corner
and in between the walls
and behind all the furniture
and down the empty halls.

But if you’re idly dozing,
you may get quite the fright
of such a spirit posing
seemingly in plain sight.

And though you try best as you can
you may not get to sleep again…

Chattering’s charm

I’m hanging by a thread;
I’m just about undone.
Why don’t I go to bed?
Oh right – I’m talking to someone.

While I admit it is quite fun
to chuckle at things said,
I’ll feel it come the morning sun.

Why do I ignore my throbbing head
and continue this late-night run
rather than getting sleep instead…
Oh right – I’m talking to someone.